I have always hid a part of myself from people. The only one that knows my vulnerable side is my Hero, Sean. I have been dealing with the the affects of Miller Fischer syndrome aka bi-latteral bells palsey and the many side affects that go along with it.
My self esteem has been the hardest 'thing' to regain besides the loss of my boobs... maybe my humor could use some work, too. Ha Ha. When I create plaques, clocks, bows, or anything despite the reason. I feel myself coming back to me in pieces of sand.
I look different. I have regained most of my nerve conections in my face, enough that people who don't know me don't notice my limitations immediately. But friends who have not seen me in a year say I look different. That is hard to take. People who willingly get their face altered surgically go into surgery desiring some improvement. I knew that I wasn't a 8,9 or 10 but I was content with me. Now, I don't feel like I fit on the grid because every 4-6 weeks I look different. I have made a huge transformation from Quasimoto, what I call my face when it was completely paralized for 2 months, to this new image that I can't nickname. Everytime I hear "You look different'' it hurts , weither it is said with good intentions or not. It makes it hard.
I am willing to do what is needed to return my body back to its full health. It eat well. I walk 2.5 miles nightly in less than 45 min. I am recommitting myself to me. It only improves my relationship with everyone family, friends, clients, strangers, etc.
I will create more beautiful pieces than I ever have before. I know I can do it. I will return stronger and probably still not funny.
( The reason for my unusual post - My Dr. Wong, Neurologist, asked my to get real with loved ones about what stage I am in. Others need to be reinvolved into my life. This gives me a safe out. I will succeed! )
Love ya'll
Kris
